I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
