i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
