nut hugger
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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