Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
