I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
