He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So drunk its hurt
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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