HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
