OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
