what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
