i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
