when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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