K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
