If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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