I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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