Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
