Kareoke will never be a sober sport
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
