Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
