So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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