theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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