If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
