I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
