I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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