Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
this is an emotional support booty call
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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