My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
