So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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