So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
