I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
