On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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