I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize