Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had to coat check the pizza.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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