I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
