Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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(541): View more from Oregon

Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.

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(636): View more from Missouri

she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.

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(727): View more from Florida

Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.

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