he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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