apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
