She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
