Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
