I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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