Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
