I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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