you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
