I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
