We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
