And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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