It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
