Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
