my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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