is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
