I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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