I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Rumble strips road head = magical
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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