I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
