i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
