It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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