This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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