So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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