Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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