I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I need to calm my uterus...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize