What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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