is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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