I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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