The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
