why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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