there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
