I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
