Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
