Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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