What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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