I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize