that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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