You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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