he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
